Three Imaginary Girls - Metro

Tower Heist

Imaginary Rich — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 18:14:36 +0000

{Tower Heist opened in Seattle on Friday, November 4 and is playing at the Metro, The Meridian, The Majestic Bay, and Thornton Place Theaters}

There are a lot of reasons to suspect Tower Heist may be the latest overly engineered star-vehicle that seriously screws up a beloved beloved genre for a new generation of fans. There are occasional moments of excessive seriousness (all involving Ben Stiller). Plus a few spots where things threaten to stall. But in the end, it's an entertaining romp that's worth a look. I know - I couldn't believe it either. Almost makes me want to go double or nothing next week with the new Adam Sandler flick. Hey, I said almost....

Tower Heights certainly has some laughs, but overall I felt it owed more to the heist genre than that of slapstick comedy. An allegiance the film declares from the start with soothingly familiar "we're up to no good music". Trust me - you'll know it when you hear it. It's definitely a positive sign. You can think of it as one of the Ocean's 11 films - perhaps with less attractive people. With Casey Affleck in the mix to force the comparison.

Josh Kovacs (Ben Stiller) is the service manager of a swank Manhattan condo building refered to as The Tower. The sort of place where the low end apartments are still in the millions and the staff is attentive enough to remind you to sneak your high end call-girl out the back when the wife returns early. Without you having to ask. Stiller is the amazing ringleader of this crew keeping things humming while still being beloved by everyone. At the top of the building's pyramid is Arthur Shaw (Alan Alda) the penthouse resident asshole. Which we're not so subtly reminded of from the opening moments when he emerges from his rooftop swimming pool with a hundred dollar mural on the bottom. As it turns out, Alda is one of them wall street creeps who does something very unpleasant and likely equally illegal to Stiller and his work family. Resulting in Stiller organizing a break-in to Alda's penthouse apartment in the name of financial justice.

Stiller's unlikely crew includes his brother in law (Casey Affleck), a homeless former tenant of The Tower (a puffy ~~Mr Gadget~~ Mathew Broderick), the building's elevator operator and online Devry graduate Enrique (Michael Pena), and Slide (Eddie Murphy). Murphy is selected for his purported skills as a thief, or more accurately the only criminal type Stiller knows. Rounding out the cast of characters are a broad range of well delivered but pretty stereotyped NYC hotel staff roles. Got to admit its great to see Gabourey Sidibe of Precious renown onscreen. For her fans, there's also a bit of Tea Leoni as hard- drinking, Queens native FBI agent. All in all everyone seems well cast and delivers what they need to move the film along.

Most notably, it's nice to see the old. "I'm gonna whoop yo ass" Murphy back, albeit restrained by the PG-13 format. Even if his role is smaller than the trailer would have you believe. I'm normally quick to point out how annoying Ben Stiller can be. While he doesn't fully escape the well of my personal prejudices Stiller is a good match for the role. Not a perfect human being he's believable as a nice guy pushed too far. To the extent that any part of the movie is believable. Plausibility is not really what Tower Heist is going for. Accepting that the mix of humor and self interested Robin Hood hijinks worked for me. The film drags a bit at times around the mid-section. It may also spend more time than required in setting up the bad guy. Not to mention the carefully arrayed arsenal of Chekov's guns dragged out in the final act.

These are minor quibbles as for most of picture I was enjoying either the camaraderie of the actors or the heist sequence. The last segment generates flashes of peril (and occasional vertigo) that I didn't at all expect. As improbably ended as many such flicks Tower Heist was still pretty satisfying. All in all I think it's worth checking out if you want something light with a slight fuck the system flavor (which seems in the spirit of the times).

The only question I have about the film is what Roman Polanski contributed to earn a thanks in the end credits...anyone?

{Tower Heist opened in Seattle on Friday, November 4 and is playing at the Metro, The Meridian, The Majestic Bay, and Thornton Place Theaters}

Fright Night

Imaginary Amie — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 14:59:57 +0000

{Fright Night opened in Seattle on Friday, August 19, and is playing at The Metro, The Meridian, and Thornton Place}

I’ll own it: when I heard they were making a Fright Night remake, I cringed inside. I’m a HUGE fan of Chris Sarandon’s vampy womanizer and William Ragsdale’s wide-eyed horror-fan teen in the original, and who could ever replace Roddy McDowall as Peter Vincent and Stephen Geoffreys as Evil?

Modernizing the story a bit, this Fright Night moves the action to Las Vegas, painting main guy Charlie (Anton Yelchin, who’s pretty much made for this part) as a teen who’s recently shed his nerdiriffic role-playing D&D monster movie past to hang with the cool kids. This is all so he can hold on to his smokin’ hot girlfriend, Amy, played by cute-and-sexy-at-the-same-time Imogen Poots (sorry, Amanda Bearse, but uh. This chick? Hot).

When former best friend Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse)—nicknamed “Evil” because of his occult obsession—approaches Charlie with the news that his GQ-esque neighbor Jerry (Colin Farrell, who I am starting to like more and more) is a vampire who’s been eating their classmates, Charlie brushes it off as a desperate attempt to get his attention. But after Evil disappears and Jerry’s activities become increasingly suspicious, Charlie starts to think his new next door neighbor might actually have fangs.

Enter the 2011 version of the original’s Peter Vincent: a Criss Angel-like magician who puts on a flashy Casino vampire-filled show. And this is actually where I think the filmmakers were the cleverest. The 1985 Vincent was a late night horror movie host; something that I just don’t think would translate to the youth of today (oh you kids. get off my lawn!). By making Peter a showy, drunken performer who still shows a hint of believing in the supernatural, they created a perfect update for the character. And David Tennant is fantastic in the role.

Throwing in Toni Collette as Charlie’s initially clueless mom, a bunch of pretty cool vamp-slaying gadgets, explosions, car chases, an uber-creepy hidden hallway involving lots of locked doors and padded rooms, and (yay!) lots o’ bloody sprays and splatter, amped up the suspense and made this horror-loving girl very, very, very happy. Farrell really rocks it as schmarmy vamp Jerry, and there’s even an awesome cameo by Sarandon.

While not quite as cheese-filled as its predecessor, the remake maintains the tongue-in-cheek kitsch that made the original work so well. This is the kind of horror movie that shouldn’t be executed seriously, which is what makes it so damn entertaining! And even though McLovin’ (that poor guy—he’ll be stuck with that forever) couldn’t quite pull off Evil in the same way that Geoffreys did, the film was a highly enjoyable ride. It’s well worth your hard-earned dollars.

This is all just my long-winded way of saying “thanks” to the movie gods for snagging Whedonphile Marti Noxon as the screenwriter—I have a feeling she’s the one who saved this remake from doomy doom.

A note about the 3D: it's pretty cool during some effects, but used sparingly, and the film is already so dark that having that extra dimming effect the glasses create seems to make it even harder to see/pick out details in most scenes. I think regular ole' 2D would be a fine way to see it.

{Fright Night opened in Seattle on Friday, August 19, and is playing at The Metro, The Meridian, and Thornton Place}

30 Minutes or Less

Imaginary Rich — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 15:39:00 +0000

{30 Minutes or Less opened in Seattle on Friday August 12, and is playing at the Metro, Oak Tree Cinemas, and AMC Pacific Place}

We've all had those days. You're minding your own business, delivering pizzas at a dangerous rate of speed when a couple of get rich quick lazy dipshits go out of their way to totally harsh your buzz. But when their plan is to strap a bunch of explosives to your chest in order to coerce you into robbing a bank, most people would agree things have gone too far.

That's basically the premise of 30 Minutes or Less - a comedy that crams a lot of things into a pretty short span of time. While overall it may be a bit silly, I had a good time. And it's edited in a way that shows a respect for movie-goers who don't feel the need to sit through a two and a half hour bloated endeavor when there's really only 90 minutes of material to be had.

Nick (Jesse Eisenberg) is an adult delivering pizzas for a living. Why this level of achievement is enough for him isn't exactly clear. In the meantime, he makes due with with his crappy job and unexpressed (yet obvious) love for the twin sister of his male best friend/roommate. It's probably bearable because he feels he has plenty of time ahead of him to sort life out. Since he doesn't know the time of his passing, that strategy has a predictable flaw. And even fewer can guess when two assholes will kidnap him, strap a bomb to his chest and send him forth to rob a bank. So it's easy to have sympathy that Nick didn't really see this one coming.

Why he's strapped to a bomb is laid out quickly and clearly. Why he never expresses his love until he may have hours to live is more opaque. But that's fine, as the film packs the 82 minutes it's got with so many goings on, bits of tension, and jokes that there's not much to find fault with motivations wise. It's a tightly edited bit of buddy comedy adventure that has cut the fat to the bone. Rare is the film that feels like it has just enough scenes and no more. But that's pretty much what I think you get here. If anything, I was left wanting more conversation of any sort involving Aziz Ansari, who plays Nick's roommate Chet.

While I often find Eisenberg a little boring, his laid back yet manic onscreen persona is a good contrast with the more colorful members of the cast. Aziz Ansari is just great as the deeply wronged (at least in his mind) best friend. Danny McBride and Nick Swardson as the villains of the piece are awesome as well. Dare I say it? There are moments I even briefly feel sorry for them. Though more often I'm laughing at their foul-mouthed wannabe entrepreneur stupidity. I won't take a step further into the plot. Go in fresh, go in with the expectation that you're not going to see deep deep material and that quite a few antics of questionable ethics will be portrayed. But do go - because ultimately is was pretty darn funny. And honestly compared to ~~Captain America~~ some other recent films, this one brings a feeling of true peril at times that works to enhance the chuckles. Plus it's nice to see some R-rated comedy that's conversational in nature and not people getting poo in their mouths. Just saying...

By the way - I've been told that you should sit through the credits fully for some bonus material. That's the sort of thing I wish someone had told me before I saw it and left when the names started to roll. You're welcome...

{30 Minutes or Less opened in Seattle on Friday August 12, and is playing at the Metro, Oak Tree Cinemas, and AMC Pacific Place}

The Help

Imaginary Amie — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 15:20:27 +0000

{The Help opened in Seattle on Wednesday, 8/10 and is playing at the Metro, Oak Tree Cinemas, Majestic Bay and AMC Pacific Place}

I am one of the only women on earth who hasn’t read Kathryn Stockett’s amazingly popular book, The Help, so I have no idea how close this film adaptation is to the beloved story or not—but I guess I’ll find out shortly when there’s either tons of outrage or tons of applause.

But honestly I can’t imagine anyone being outraged (except maybe some rich white ladies who grew up in Jackson, Mississippi during the 60s), since The Help does its job as an empowering dramedy well, with enough heart and substance to make it better than what you’re expecting.

The story revolves around recently returned from college Eugenia (the amazing Emma Stone, stuck with some atrociously bad curly hair) annoyingly nicknamed “Skeeter,” who would rather take a low-paying job answering cleaning advice letters at the local paper than engage in the time-honored Jackson tradition of hunting for an eligible husband.

When her mother won’t answer her questions about where the maid who raised her is, Skeeter turns to Aibileen Clark (Viola Davis, who is guaranteed to get nominated for an Oscar, and definitely deserves to win), a maid for one of the many young society woman ruled by the uber-bitchy Hilly Holbrook. When Aibileen is reluctant to tell her the truth, Skeeter notices for the first time that “the help” are basically treated like dogs and not people, which sparks the idea for a book—providing that she can get anyone to talk to her.

Fortunately for Skeeter, Hilly (Bryce Dallas Howard putting on her best bitch face) and the other women of Jackson are so consistently horrible to their help—and their kids—that all the maids decide to band together and take a stand by telling their stories. Predictably, Minny Jackson (a part totally rocked by Octavia Spencer), Hilly’s long-suffering maid, has some of the best, which threaten to upset the redhead’s ruling Queen of society position, and force her to take a turn from mean and spoiled to vindictive and ruthless.

I’m sure you call can guess where the story ends up, but there’s no need for me to spoil it. And while there are some predictable moments, the reason The Help succeeds is because even though there are triumphs, they’re not easy—and the spectacularly strong cast (special mention here for Jessica Chastain, who plays an outcast so charming and vulnerable you want to give her hugs every time you see her) takes it to the level it needs to be at so it’s believable and not cheesy.

The Help is pretty much just what you want from a good, girly movie: lots of laughter, strong characters, and of course, those melodramatic moments that make you all weepy. Tissue is definitely required, as is a good friend.

{The Help opened in Seattle on Wednesday, 8/10 and is playing at the Metro, Oak Tree Cinemas, Majestic Bay and AMC Pacific Place}

Recommended Viewing: Hitchcock's Rebecca at the Metro tonight {8/3}

Imaginary Amie — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 18:57:27 +0000

So Landmark's Metro theater is doing this awesome thing for August where they present "Metro Classics" on Wednesday nights, and for girls like me who heart the crap out of B&W noir, it's kind of a dream come true. Tonight they are presenting one of my very favorite Hitchcock films, Rebecca. This 1940 film is a mishmash of gothic romance, thriller, murder mystery, and ghost story.

Plain (ha!) little Joan Fontaine (true to the Daphne du Maurier book, her character has no name) is playing personal assistant to a bossy rich lady in Monte Carlo when handsome, brash widower Maxim De Winter (Laurence Oliver) sweeps her off her feet. Well, less sweeps - more just tells her they're going to get married, which I guess seems like a boss deal for a shy orphaned girl in the 40s. Anyway, once they get to his GIANT mansion Manderlay, the evil, lurking housekeeper Mrs. Danvers (omg Judith Anderson is amazeballs in this role) makes it clear that she'll never replace the beautiful and perfect first Mrs. De Winter - aka "the" Rebecca - who may or may not be haunting the halls of the house, scaring the bejeezus out of everyone. From there, it gets even more complicated after Joan digs into the past and discovers Maxim's "secret", which I have to admit totally surprised me the first time I saw it.

I highly recommend you get thee to the Metro tonight at 6:45pm or 9:10pm to see this Hitch masterpiece in all its gothy glory. Tickets are $10.50 general admission, or $8.25 for students w/ID.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Imaginary Amie — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 15:06:20 +0000

{Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 opened in Seattle on Friday, July 14 and is playing at the Majestic Bay, the Pacific Science Center IMAX®, the Cinerama, and other area theaters}

THE END of Harry Potter is here. And as I’ve said before, I’m not a huge fan. But Amie! You’re nerdy. And you love supernatural things. And you heart the crap out of reading. All this is true, but the first 5 HP books (won from a work contest many years ago) sit dust-covered and untouched on my bookshelf.

See, Harry Potter is one of those things where every single person and their brother’s brother said some variation of this to me, “OMFG they are so amazing you will totally love them read them all right now whatiswrongwithyou?” - which is the best way to make sure I NEVER do something. So instead of reading, I just went ahead and cheated by seeing all the films. And while there were a few moments I appreciated, they kind of all blended together and I just wasn’t that impressed.

So I wasn’t really expecting to be blown away by this, but I joined in the hype just because it was fun. And on the day of the press screening for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, I had to go ahead and post this smartass tweet:

Which naturally totally screwed me, because I ended up pouring out some serious waterworks over the course of 2 hours and 5 minutes. So I’ll just say it: this movie surprised me.

Pretty sure I don’t need to explain the plot, but just in case, this movie continues Harry’s quest for the remaining horcruxes—which each contain part of the Dark Lord’s soul—so he can destroy them and make sure Voldemort is easy to defeat. Problem: V has amassed a pretty large army of baddies to back him up, most of which are skilled in some major dark arts, and Harry’s group of good guys has suffered some serious losses. Even with backup from Hermione and Ron, his chances aren’t looking so good.

And so it keeps going, with more bleakness descending on Hogworts, a huge amount of wand-slinging, scary floating mummy-ghosty things, Helena Bottom Carter’s hair in a starring role, a mineshaft cart chase crazier than the one in Temple of Doom, one of the best dragons I’ve ever seen, and tons of shit blowing up and catching on fire all over the place. And yes, more people DIE. (applause)

Of course there were a lot of cheesy, over-the-top moments that made me grimace (most notably the felt like it was tacked on ending, showing the survivors 19 years later, but still looking exactly the same except for some bad wigs)—but I recognize that they all had to be there, because they were all paybacks for the shitty things that had happened in the 10 years it took for Harry to become “the chosen one” and do battle with the creepy no-nose Ralph Fiennes Voldemort.

For the most part, I was impressed with the incredible amount of edge-of-your-seat action, and the brilliant ways in which they worked the 3D effects in (it was pretty stunning at the Cinerama), and just the way the whole thing came together. I’m positive Potter fans will be pleased, and even if you’re dragged along to a screening, you’ll probably enjoy it too.

HPATDHP2 just might have changed my mind enough to make me pick up one of those books…anyone wanna place some bets? Also, I don't really know why, but this makes me laugh so, so, so hard.

{Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 opened in Seattle on Friday, July 14 and is playing at the Majestic Bay, the Pacific Science Center IMAX®, the Cinerama, and other area theaters}

Which naturally totally screwed me, because I ended up pouring out some serious waterworks over the course of 2 hours and 5 minutes. So I’ll just say it: this movie surprised me.

Larry Crowne

Imaginary Rich — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 19:28:35 +0000

When I first saw the trailer for Larry Crowne, I was overjoyed. I'll admit taken on its own, it looked like the sort of over-the-top annoying saccharine nonsense that gets made when a big star writes, directs, produces and stars in his own romantic comedy. But then I realized that it must be the "what if they met years later?" mashup of Forest Gump and Pretty Woman I've been waiting forever for Hollywood to wise up and make. It was a heavy blow indeed when I realized that wasn't the storyline at all! Probably akin with what my friends described to me a few years back when they realized the characters in Sweeney Todd weren't going to stop singing anytime soon. Though at least presumably that situation had a bloody catharsis thing going on providing some sort of release.

In terms of likely box-office success Larry Crowne definitely has three things going for it - Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and an unchallenging plot. Unfortunately, to be a really great film that's not going to be enough. In short: it's a basic romantic comedy that had me seriously groaning by the end. Actually pretty close to the beginning, though I was laughed enough that I was distracted for a bit from how treacle stuffed the entire enterprise was. If you love, love, love Hanks and/or Roberts I don't think there's anything here that's gonna change your mind. So don't be too scared of seeing it. It's not like either of these folks is turning in a performance likely to shock or offend their core constituencies (Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy this is not). Lots of folks are going to dig this film, don't worry - I won't judge you if you're one of them. But for me I'd have to suggest seeing last week's Bad Teacher first - at least they were reaching for something.

Tom Hanks plays Larry Crowne a former navy cook, non-college attendee and soon-to-be-fired employee of Umart. He's a simple guy who puts his all into his work. You know because there's an opening shot of him goofing around with his team. He takes pride in his job. We know because he stops to pickup some garbage on the way into work. This is not a film that's going to tax your deep film analysis skills. Then he's laid off in such an insincere mean-spirited way that it feels ridiculous - even for a movie. Due to some BS thing the company says, he decides he needs to go to college. Wherein he meets two women, Roxana Ortega: the beautiful free spirit who takes him under her wing as a non-romantic hipster reconstruction project, and Julia Roberts: the bitter bitter borderline alcoholic teacher of his early morning toast-making class.

Character development you ask? Hanks is going broke fast and downsizing with the financial advice he's picking up from his economics class. Roberts is having some trouble at home from her slacker, porn0watching husband. Things happen, people grow and well, you sorta know where this is all going...

The film did make me laugh at times, but not as often as I was supposed to. At the same time I really didn't buy why the two should get together - except for that fact that they were free and lonely. Well actually only Hanks was free. She was MARRIED! But the husband's a jerk so all is well.

There are definite bright spots in the film, in addition to Roxana Ortega. They include (and are likely limited to)
- An honest, direct exposure of the risks of getting a tattoo in a language you are not fluent in
- George Takei as the economics professor was consistently entertaining.
- Scooter sequences are so compelling that whatever trade consortium funded the film seriously got their money's worth.

Don't even get me started about the quality of instruction in the "class" taught by Julia Roberts. Best I can tell, the morals of the film appears to be that (a) you may be getting an extremely sketchy level of rigor at the local community college (b) you are considerably more likely to meet cool friends and get laid by riding a scooter than I would have guessed. Important life lessons I suppose, even if the film didn't work for me. You'll excuse me while I zip over to Google to start researching where to buy a scooter in Seattle.

{Larry Crowne opened in Seattle on Friday July 1 at the Metro, the Meridian, the Majestic Bay, and Thornton Place}

Bad Teacher

Imaginary Rich — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:26:02 +0000

{Bad Teacher opens in Seattle on Friday 6/24 at the Landmark Metro Cinemas, the Regal Meridian, Crossorads, Thornton Place, and Lincoln Square Cinemas}

I've got to admit I was super excited when I sat down to see Bad Teacher with a crowd full of people Wednesday night. While I knew there was a risk that all funny bits were in the trailer, the combination of Cameron Diaz playing an teacher with what appeared to be an "all children left behind" policy and the likable Jason Segel made me uncharacteristically optimistic. Completing what I can only assume to be the conclusion of a trilogy of films started with Bad Santa and Bad Lieutenant focused on people failing in their chosen profession, Bad Teacher applies that formula to our education system.

It's a watchable comedy that provides a decent number of laughs and a good number of smiles. What it didn't do for me is deliver the steady stream of deep belly laughs that a great comedy can/should. It's possible (OK likely) that if I'd gone in without having seen any prior clips from it I might have had a much better time. My suspicion is that this will become one of those things that you watch a piece of with nostalgic fondness when it's on TV - not quite an Animal House or Old School, but perhaps somewhere in the Dodgeball range.

As you can surmise from the trailer, poster, or name of the film, Bad Teacher is about someone who doesn't do a good job teaching her young charges. It's possible that's due to a lack of ability, but it's hard to tell from the extreme lack of caring. When the film starts, Ms. Halsey (Cameron Diaz) is leaving the school she's been at for a year with thinly disguised glee. Apparently most of the year was spent planning her wedding to her personal moneybags fiance. When she arrives home that fateful day she confronts her mother-in-law and fiance - who are waiting to tell her the relationship is over. Things pickup three months later when she's back facing another school year - with no man to rescue her. We're also introduced to the key characters at that point. They include:

- her introverted and extremely suggestible friend Lynn (Phyllis Smith),
- Russell (Jason Segel), a gym teacher with a "can't take no for an answer" attitude that would be sexual harassment if he wasn't clearly the right man (in a movie) for her,
- the improbably rich Scott (Justin Timberlake) she will spend most of the film pursuing in a gold-digger frenzy stymied only by the fates of the universe and her periodic marijuana indulgences, and
- Amy Squirrel (Lucy Punch), aka her nemesis, due to being interested in Scott and a good teacher, not to mention being super chipper. Ms. Squirrel gets on Diaz's bad side early on for among other things questioning whether showing your class films about better teachers is in fact a legitimate pedagogical technique.

The rest of the film plays out as you likely would expect...if what you expect is a plot in which Elizabeth decides that in order to land the man of her financial dreams all she needs is a new substantially larger pair of breasts. That leads her to run a questionable car-wash, money for grades scams, and the seduction/drugging of a testing official while mistreating a wig from a production of Annie. In between she behaves poorly toward her students while occasionally offering perhaps accurate if overly harsh assessments of their social status. That last part leads to one of the more satisfying moments in the film when she does a kind thing Molly Ringwald style (sort of) to help one of her young students with a hopeless crush.

OK - when you put it that way, I acknowledge it sounds awesome. And it is as I mentioned before, generally pretty funny. Some folks get better lines than others - for example every time Segel spoke I at least mildly chuckled. But what looks like stream of huge laughs from the previews was somehow diluted down to general amusement over the picture's roughly 90 minute run.

I think the limitation is mostly the script, as all the performance are spot on. Justin Timberlake in particular delivers an incredibly bravely and completely unselfconscious performance as a complete repressed asshat. I guess my issue (other than not laughing half as hard as I did at Bridesmaids) is that things sort of get wrapped up too quickly. On reflection, we're supposed to see an episode in the last part of the film between Diaz and Timberlake as her hitting a new bottom that turns her thinking around. That bottom is pretty significant, even compared with parts earlier in the film when she complains bitterly that pro-athletes always use condoms and then leave with them to ensure no pregnancy hijinks ensure. I will stop describing now lest I poison your potential enjoyment with additional knowledge.

What I guess I'm saying is, I sort of liked the film - enough to say it's a pleasant night out sort of endeavor. Even though it does rather seriously wimp out in some ways. It's just that I can't help but think it could have been so much better. As it is - if you've been lucky enough not to have watched the trailer be sure not to see it if you're going to catch Bad Teacher. Nothing good can come of that.

{Bad Teacher opens in Seattle on Friday 6/24 at the Landmark Metro Cinemas, the Regal Meridian, Crossorads, Thornton Place, and Lincoln Square Cinemas}

Green Lantern

Imaginary Amie — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 15:24:34 +0000

{Green Lantern opens in Seattle on Friday, June 17 and is playing at the Metro, AMC Pacific Place, the Cinerama and Oak Tree Cinemas}

Even though I have a comic-nerdian background, I’m only slightly familiar with this particular superhero's lore, and thus probably not qualified to judge whether Green Lantern does it justice or totally ruins it—that said, I found it to be pretty damn entertaining.

The whole thing reminded me of vintage Superman (as in Richard Donner’s 1978 version), with a lot of exposition at the beginning explaining the origin of the Green Lantern Corps, and a ton of space exploration with prettily colored stars and crystalline spaceships. With uh, much more advanced special effects and some pretty damn fantastic alien makeup.

Anyway, after a total Top Gun moment wherein Hal wrecks three very expensive flying machines, this grabby green energy finds him and transports him to the dying Abin Sur, who passes on the Green Lantern ring. A good portion of the movie after that is spent following Hal around while he figures out how to use it (hey wait a tic—these guys can make ANY DAMN THING they want with that green energy? How is that even fair?), and Sinestro scowling at him a lot while he explains that the power is wielded by your will, which honestly I got kind of bored with. Enter Peter Sarsgaard as Dr. Hector Hammond who saved the movie for me.

Sarsgaard goes for it with some serious gusto, including a receding hairline that makes his forehead look bigger than Texas and a wishy-washy attitude that brands him a total loser—even in his own father’s eyes. Then the poor bastard gets infected by the evil entity Parallax (voiced by Clancy Brown!!!), which causes his enormous forehead to get even bigger and imbues him with a lot more paranoia and some pretty scary powers. Man, does Sarsgaard work it in this role. He was my favorite damn part of the whole movie, in fact.

When its revealed that the actual fear-sucking-soul-devouring Parallax himself—who is now about half the size of the planet—is on his way to fill up on earthlings before he heads to the home of the Green Lantern Corps, everyone else is like, “Pshaw, humans - totally not worth saving”, leaving it to Hal to rescue the entire earth all by himself. Oh yeah, and there's some kind of lesson about how your will is stronger than your fear in there, or something.

Obviously, it’s not too hard to figure the outcome of the whole thing, and I’m sure a lot of people will have a problem with chiseled (holycrap those abs) smirkboy Ryan Reynolds as the heroic Hal Jordan, but I had more of an issue with Blake Lively and her uncanny ability to nearly disappear from a scene when she turned sideways. Despite that and a few other wince-worthy moments (a Hot Wheels track? REALLY.), I actually enjoyed watching it.

Definitely worth the ticket price, although since the 3D worked more as an enhancement to the backgrounds and less as a “shoving stuff in-your-face” thing, you could probably safely skip the extra $$ and see a regular 2D screening.

Now, I’m counting on someone who IS a huge Green Lantern fanatic to come back here and tell me if they loved it or hated it—or both.

{Green Lantern opens in Seattle on Friday, June 17 and is playing at the Metro, AMC Pacific Place, the Cinerama and Oak Tree Cinemas}

Bridesmaids

Imaginary Rich — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:00:05 +0000

Hi, my name is Rich and I'm a big fan of romantic comedies. But even if you don't have this particular personal problem quirk, I think most people will find something to laugh seriously at in Bridesmaids. If you're male and in a dating situation it also has the benefit of appearing to be a chick flick while (I'm pretty confident) appealing to a broad population.

Guys - don't worry, this isn't like Sex in the City 2, where you went to be nice and spent the next two and a half hours deciding if the downside of clawing your eyes out outweighs the benefits of not having to see what was going on for the rest of the picture. That said, Bridesmaids isn't is a film to bring your young daughters (or sons) to...unless you want to expand their vocabulary a bit, and not in the workplace acceptable way.

Even the most casual film viewer from the last hundred years will recognize the story and the milestones along the way. Annie (Kristen Wiig), a woman without a lot of luck in love or business, struggles with emotional baggage while serving as her best friend Lillian's (Maya Rudolph) Maid of Honor.

The arc of the story delivers all the required genre comedy touch-points - the engagement party where Annie is upstaged by Lillian's new and fabulous friend, the dress shopping excursion, and then of course the wedding. They even throw in the obligatory bachelorette party trip to Vegas. In all this they still find time for a potential love interest for Annie, the failed cake baker.

In a lot of ways Bridesmaids, will be familiar to anyone who has ever seen a picture with Julia Roberts (when she's not playing a prostitute). What makes it stands out is that it's consistently downright funny, and does so in a way that's raw and rawnchy enough that it makes you keep asking yourself, "This is a movie about a wedding, right?" The comedy was so strong I'll even forgive the one scatological scene that seems to be obligatory for anyone making a hard R comedy piece these days. Honestly, that's not really my cup of tea. Though if you're going to do a food poisoning scene and swing for the fences, I must admit that the end image of what Bridesmaids delivers truly raises the bar. So in that sense, heaven help us all…

One of the reasons I think the picture works is that the character of Annie feels more like a real person than the caricature that tends to get drawn in this scenario. She's dealing with some serious setbacks, living with a pair of continually inappropriate British siblings, scratching out a living in a job she hates and to some extent wallowing in her own failure. She'd tried to make a go of a bakery that crashed and burned. Whether that was because of or just incidental to the failure of her relationship with the boyfriend that worked at the shop is always a bit unclear. But even though it's clear she she might be jealous of Lillian's success in landing a truly good man, Annie genuinely goes out of her way to be a supportive Maid of Honor. She knows Lillian well and has what at least seems like a clear and positive vision of how to help - though when you see her planning skills (such as showing up at a posh boutique without a call ahead), one maybe starts to suspect what the business problems were. The real dramatic/comedy tension in the film comes from the bride's boss' wife Helen (Rose Byrne) who has adopted Lillian as her best friend. Whitney's energy and cash infusion to the proceedings continually puts Lillian on the defensive - something she tries, and tries again, to hide throughout the picture.

The discussions and language feel pretty natural, and it's easy to sympathize up to a point with Annie. Though the film doesn't completely neglect addressing the character's not take simple affirmative steps to improve her lot in life. That (for lack of a better term) doormat quality leads to her encounter with and subsequent rocky yet burgeoning relationship with an adorable police officer that pulls her over early in the film. But I can almost assure you that you won't be thinking too hard about the character's motivations due to the twin distractions of laughter and/or groaning. This is a movie that revels in uncomfortable moments and wrings laughter out of some you don't always 100% see coming.

Those uncomfortable moments are often goosed along by an impressively ballsy performance by Melissa McCarthy (as bridesmaid Megan). Melissa is the group's incarnation of raw Dionysian id, a woman with no filter who lets no desire be shamefully repressed. She's both hysterical and in a way the true hero of the story. And she does things with a sandwich after the musical finale that's both extremely disturbing and pretty entertaining.

The film was written by and starring Kristen Wiig (who you likely somewhat know from Saturday Night Live) and her collaborator Annie Mumolo. I suppose one could spend a fair amount of time analyzing how gender issues factor into this comedy, conceived by women and starring essentially an all female cast. Maybe about how the raunch is somehow different, or how the women's emotions are treated less as a punchline - with a reference to how men are more visual or something (though that might be an analysis of something else, not too sure). I'm sure there may be something to that line of thought, but at the end of the day it's just laugh out loud funny - so who the heck cares?

{Bridesmaids opened in Seattle on Friday May 13th, and is playing at The Big Picture, Pacific Place, the Metro, and Oak Tree Cinemas}

Something Borrowed

Imaginary Amie — Fri, 06 May 2011 16:52:41 +0000

I'd like to tell you that Something Borrowed takes a gutsy stab at making something painfully unfunny, funny - but honestly, there's just no way to spin "sleeping with your best friend's fiance" into something hilarious, no matter how hard you try to pad it with stereotypes and OMG! LOL! moments.

This packed-with-cliches rom-com is dependent on many unbelievable things. The first of which is that best friend Darcy (Kate Hudson) is so smoking hot that no one would take a second look at Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) - which is of course, incredibly ridiculous. Even if you stick Goodwin in plain clothes and bad hair, hi. She's still GORGEOUS.

That doesn' t really matter though, because Rachel is such a sad-sack doormat that she let Darcy steal the man of her dreams years earlier because "hot guys don't go out with girls like me". Uh. or something.

The film starts with Darcy throwing a 30th birthday party for Rachel, wherein we quickly realize that Darcy is completely despicable. Like, in a "why would ANYONE stay friends with that girl" kind of way - which I guess is why a few moments later when Rachel starts making out with Darcy's chiseled GQ fiance Dex (Colin Egglesfield - seriously. Did this guy step right off a magazine cover?) , we're supposed to be fine with it.

Except. Oh, hey. Filmmakers? Showing a girl sleeping with her best friend's man - no matter what excuses there are - is really not funny. Like, at all.

The rest of the movie is a gut-wrenching, hard-to-watch series of events in which Rachel and Dex must conceal their long-dormant and now blossoming love, while Rachel suffers through listening to the intended bride and groom have sex, helping Darcy with wedding plans, and being hit on by a womanizing stoner douchebag as she waits for Dex to choose which girl he wants.

The only redeemable character in the whole film is Ethan (the ever-adorable John Krasinksi), who points out frequently that Darcy is a number one, grade-A bitch, and that Rachel has always deserved a better friend. Also, he's got some genuinely funny lines. Too bad they had to mess even that up by providing him with an extra-cliched super desperate woman who won't listen when he tries to tell her their one-night-stand didn't mean anything other than drunken sex (thanks for including one of my biggest pet peeves, guys).

Oy, script writers! Was the novel this bad? I don't think I want to read it to find out...

Based on the uproarious laughter at EVERYTHING by the preview audience I saw this with, it will undoubtedly be a big hit, but as the final frame rolled I felt icky for even having watched it. Look, I take many things with a grain of salt, and I try to be very liberal in my thinking...this is just not one of those things I'm willing to accept. Tip for the clueless: It is never okay to lie repeatedly to someone you're calling your friend, let alone your "best" one - even if you're wildly in love with the man they're about to marry. And FYI: My Best Friend's Wedding covered a simliar subject 1000x times better AND funnier. Rent that instead of going to see this.

{Something Borrowed opened in Seattle on Friday, May 6, and is playing at the Metro, Meridian, and Oak Tree Cinemas}

Kill the Irishman

Imaginary Rich — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 14:55:52 +0000

If you love them mobster movies featuring up-and-coming wise guys in the 70s- then have I got a film for you. It's like a slightly gentler Goodfellas, but without Joe Pesci...and not quite as good. Though on the bright side, lots of character actors who may have been hurting after the Sopranos finale got some work out of this decent (if not standout) film.

Based on a true story, Kill the Irishman starts with our protagonist Danny Greene (played by Ray Stevenson) tooling around town in his sweet 70s ride. Then we see smoke from the cassette player followed by the car exploding. But wait - it seems somehow Danny, the "Irishman" of the title has survived, and he's shouting to the winds about how it's gonna take more than a bomb to kill him. Then the flashback starts, and Val Kilmer begins to tell the tale.

Kilmer, who has unfortunately decided not to star in The Worst Lieutenant, is a detective who grew up with Danny. He explains that Danny was an athlete who didn't enjoy school and and grew up to work on the docks. But he's a reader. And as they say that's fundamental. At least to his success at outsmarting folks. Which he does fairly often when he's not punching them repeatedly.

Long story short, Danny rises through the criminal ranks, tussles with the Italian mafia, finds and loses women and makes loyal friends. Basically the story you sort of know and love. The film is well presented and Danny is likable as a guy who one has got to suspect wasn't quite as nice as he's portrayed. Or maybe he was - what do I know?

I can't really say Kill the Irishman raises the bar on genre mob films. But it's decent enough to watch, so enjoyable enough while it lasts. I don't strongly recommend it, but it's very much you get what you expect sort of affair. So if what you want looks and sounds a lot like Kill the Irishman you'll probably be satisfied with the experience.

{Kill the Irishman opened in Seattle on Friday, April 8th, and is screening at The Metro}

Happythankyoumoreplease

Imaginary Rich — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 19:10:09 +0000

There's a point where a movie can be just a little too indy and a little too cute for it's own good. Happythankyoumoreplease skates right up to that line but never crosses it, resulting in an experience that was actually rather enjoyable. Like a more serious episode of When I Met Your Mother with artsy photography, considerably better music, and none of that bullshit where they pretend to be a comedy but kill off someone's dad when the ideas start to run dry. Also Ted kidnaps a kid…

In addition to being the bane of spellcheckers, the film Happythankyoumoreplease was written/directed, and starred in by Josh Radnor. An actor familiar to many as the character Ted who each week tells horribly inappropriate tales to his children on the TV's show How I Met Your Mother. In point of fact other thant it being the same actor playing men of the same life stage, the film bears little resemblance to the TV show. Other than both have something to with friendship, love, and growing up. The comparison is mostly just a cheap way to start - but seriously, why did they have to kill off Marshall's dad?!?

Anyhoo…

Josh Radnor plays Sam, a struggling writer living in NYC. As the film begins, he awakes after a one night stand and rushes off to a meeting with a potential publisher. We quickly learn all we need to know about Sam, as his best friend Annie (Malin Akerman) leaves him a voice message on his anachronistic answering machine. So flustered is Sam that he accidentally commits the New Yorker amateur mistake of trying to help a young boy who appears lost on the subway. For his trouble, he of course screws up the interview-like meeting and ends up taking the kid home with him. Not in a creepy way - except for the kidnapping bit. But it's OK, because Rasheen (Michael Algieri) is in a foster care situation he doesn't like. Which might be forgivable, but Sam doesn't really go out of his way to report any of this to the authorities, just allowing Rasheen to live with him. In exchange, Rasheen gives Sam the friendship, love, and purpose he needs, and helps him pickup smoking hot chicks like Mississippi (Kate Mara). Meanwhile, in parallel, we follow along with two sets of friends, a couple faced with the decision to leave NYC for (gasp) LA, and Annie, who in addition to suffering from baldness, has dramatically bad taste in me.

Now, I know you may be thinking - "Does he mean it's so bad it's good?" - because as I re-read that description, it sounds like a train wreck. But I have to say that as incredibly stupid as some of the character's actions are, and as much as it sounds like a textbook "they're going to learn the lessons of loving and being real adults" sap-fest, somehow it all gelled for me.

Maybe it's Radnor who really is very likable even while acting like a dumb kid in a man's body. Maybe it's the natural performances and chemistry of the main characters combined with the low-key photography. Perhaps it's just that the right music (which is very well-matched to the film) makes anything palatable. But at the end of the day, I don't really care as I found it a pleasant escapist bit of cinema.

Plus, now that I watched something small and personal-feeling this week, I can feel no guilt about heading out to see Sucker Punch this weekend. Not that I would anyway...

{Happythankyoumoreplease opened in Seattle on Friday, 3/25 and is playing at the Metro}

Paul

Imaginary Rich — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 16:33:37 +0000

To paraphrase a popular T-shirt, there are 11 types of people in the world:

- Those who are confident in the belief that they who would NEVER enjoy a road movie about two guys picking up a wisecracking, foulmouthed, pop culture-obsessed ET hitchhiker (personally I think such people are weird - but I'm sure they exist).
- Those who are now sort of curious, but are unable to view the idea of attending Comicon in a non-ironic light, and
- Readers who both get the joke that started this list, have attending Comicon on their bucket list, and have now probably stopped reading to check their local theater listings for when they can catch a screening of Paul.

To those in the first group - all I can say is: how far has this alleged self awareness really gotten you? In this case, it's going to keep you from seeing one of Seth Rogen's best performances since Freaks and Geeks. Those in the second segment - I feel pretty confident saying you're going to get good comedy value for the money. As an added bonus, you'll finally be able to point to folks from SNL in a movie that doesn't at all suck.

But for those in the last group? Bottom line is: you sort of have to go. This is the movie you hoped Fanboys was gonna be. A consistently funny road film about two British geeks who set off by RV post Comicon to tour the nation's famous sights of alien encounters. Inspired by their childhood viewing of Mac and Me, they've dreamed of meeting an extra terrestrial. Though perhaps when they imagined their first contact it wasn't with Paul: a smoking, cursing ET with a penchant for mooning people and making anal probe jokes.

There were a lot of reasons for me not to have enjoyed Paul when I saw it. Actually about three and a half hours worth of reasons - that's how delayed the start of my screening was. Seems the "film" came late, and then when it did it needed to be downloaded to the theaters digital presentation system. Sort of makes one understand the popularity of BitTorrent. Point being: I was not in the greatest of moods when the opening credits started to role, but the film entertained me from the start and I can only imagine a more typical screening experience would have left me even more positive on the picture.

Paul is the name that "just stuck" for an alien who crash landed in 1947. He's been advising everyone from world leaders to Steven Spielberg ("Hey, sure that's OK - sometimes less is more, that's all I'm saying…") while a guest of the government. For reasons revealed over the course of the film, he's suddenly decided to skip town. Which is when Graeme (Simon Pegg) and Clive (Nick Frost) run into him on a dark desert road one night. Paul's not the best driver, and ends up hitching a ride with the two travelers. The plot isn't altogether original (rather than the hip, pop-culture quoting alien) but I was having so much fun going along for the ride that I honestly was surprised by some of the third act twists.

Pegg and Frost co-wrote the film, and they seem to have written a set of characters that they feel completely omfortable populating. The pair are totally at ease with each other, and while that leads to more than a few easy jokes about others seeing them as a couple (not that there's anything wrong with that), it's actually a sweet onscreen model of adult male platonic friendship.

The film's dialog and situations are consistently funny at the surface level, but the largest payoff will come for viewers who will recognize the non-stop stream of references and homage shots to sci-fi and popular films of the last several decades. From Star Wars and ET to Titanic, the range is broad yet particularly rewarding at times (with the bonus of feeling truly an uber-geek at the moments when you find only yourself and a few ohers laughing at an obscure allusion that most will miss).

Technically, the film looks great and the CGI production of Paul's persona is seamlessly integrated. You know it's a computer graphics effect, but at no point did it feel unrealistic. Sure the movie is goofy as heck, but it's also a good amount of fun that I think will appeal to both sci-fi fanboys/girls while at least being pleasant viewing for a general audience. A solid recommend.

{Paul opened in Seattle Friday, March 18 and is screening at the Metro, AMC Pacific Place, and Oak Tree Cinemas}

To paraphrase a popular T-shirt, there are 11 types of people in the world:

The Rite (AKA: another bad excorcism movie)

Imaginary Amie — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 18:56:27 +0000

So if you believe the trailer, The Rite is supposed to be a kick-ass horror/thriller with tons of action and suspense. But really it goes like this: handsome Michael Kovak (Colin O’Donoghue) works at his father’s funeral home, and he’s depressed. So he decides to go to a Catholic college to become a priest, and he’s depressed. Then he tries to quit, but instead gets talked into going to Rome to attend one of the Vatican’s new-fangled training courses on exorcism, and he’s depressed.

While he’s brooding his way through Rome, he runs into a hot female journalist (of course!), and gets a talking to from Father Xavier, who recommends he drive out to the middle of nowhere to visit Father Lucas (Anthony Hopkins), who will prove to Michael once and for all that the devil does, in fact, exist. Wait a minute. Why does everyone in the church want to help this guy out, when he’s told them all over and over he doesn’t believe in god? “Oh, great. So you don’t believe in god and you don’t want to be a priest. You’d make a perfect exorcist!” I…don’t get it.

Anyway, when he arrives at Father Lucas’s broken down castle or whatever, he finds him puttering around hamming it up as only Anthony Hopkins can do, but this time with 100s of cats. Eventually (FINALLY) a pregnant girl shows up and starts exhibiting signs of being possessed, but Michael’s still not convinced, even the second time when she spits out a bunch of giant iron nails (she could have swallowed them! um. no. I don’t think she could have, actually).

After that goes situation goes South, Michael spends even more time brooding and being depressed until it becomes evident that Father Lucas may have somehow transferred the devil into himself—and I’m not spoiling anything here because they show you that in the trailer. I guess it’s nice disappointing to see that Anthony Hopkins is still a parody of himself. He definitely got more than a few laughs out of the audience, but hey. Isn’t this supposed to be a scary movie?

Basically, The Rite packed every interesting scene into that trailer in order to get people into the theater to see it, and it totally worked with me because I was actually psyched to see it…until about 15 minutes in. This movie takes forever and a day to get to the point, and when it does, it’s not even that interesting. My recommendation: skip it.

{The Rite opened in Seattle Friday, 1/28 and is playing @the Metro, the Oak Tree, the Meridian, and Crossroads}

Harry Potter and the Highest Body Count

Imaginary Amie — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 16:14:00 +0000

As anyone who pays even slight attention to these things knows, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 is just a set-up for the LAST HARRY POTTER MOVIE EVER (queue shrieking teenage girls), so it’s one long 146 minute tease with a huge cliffhanger at the end, and you won’t find out what happens until next year….unless you read the books, that is. Since I’m assuming almost everyone in the audience HAD read them, I guess it shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone there that 3 people die within the first 20 minutes, although the hysterically sobbing girls next to me seemed to suggest otherwise.

Anyhoo, HP & the DH showed some promise initially, starting out with a bang in the form of the Potter kids organizing the removal of Harry to a safe house in the country, juxtaposed against a long table of Goths led by creepy no-nose Lord Voldemort. All the “volunteers” change into Harry doppelgangers (which leads to some obligatory laughs), while the bad guys discuss some mumbo-jumbo about how Voldemort’s wand won’t work against Harry’s so he needs a new one (HELLO FORESHADOWING)—and oh yeah, they murder someone too and feed them to a snake.

Of course, the moving turns into a complete disaster because there’s a traitor amongst the good guys, and then after some bloody trauma and a bunch of brooding and sighs, Harry inexplicably makes out with Ginny Weasley after she saucily saunters over to him half-dressed and asks him to “zip her up”. And that’s the last time you see any of that, as Ginny disappears for the rest of the film except for a few minutes on a train later on, sans Harry. Huh. They made kind of a big deal about that for nothing, didn't they?

Shortly thereafter, Hermoine, Ron, and Harry move on by themselves to find the last of the Horcruxes, which involves more doppelganger hilarity and leads to a plot so similar to Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers that I swear I saw Gollum somewhere in there whispering “precious”…oh wait, that was just Dobby’s friend Creature. Or something.

But seriously, Hermoine and Harry trekking around mountains and forests may as well have been Frodo and Sam, with one of the horcruxes playing the ring and making whoever wears it act all crazy and evil—and I make this comparison also because it was just as boring to watch as that LOTR stretch was, even despite the appearance of a naked writhing Harry and Hermione via some horcrux magic (which was so out of place it was just weird).

There are occasional references back to the bad guys, which imply that the only reason anyone has allegiance to Dark Lord V is because he’s so scary they’re all afraid of him, even Helena Bonham Carter, who is basically just playing her toussled bedheaded, smudged eyeliner, fast-talking self (I actually expected Tim Burton to pop up at any moment saying, "Hello darling! How about some tea? We can wear our matching Mad Hatter hats!" He would have fit right in with all the villians).

The rest of the movie is focused on the three leads looking hollow-eyed and defeated, wherein eventually they stumble upon crazy Luna’s father who tells them the tale of the Deathly Hallows (way to draw it out there guys), which was done in a stunning animation sequence, and happens to be one of the only things I liked about this film.

Given the reaction of the HP super fans curled up in fetal positions around me, and who even let out whispered hisses of, “Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare!!!” when Voldemort was planning to do something particularly nasty, I might be the only one that feels this way…but just in case you’re more like me than them, I wanted to give you fair warning.

{Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 opens in Seattle 11/19 and is playing at the Metro, the Neptune, the Majestic Bay, Pacific Place, IMAX® at the Pacific Science Center, and the newly re-opened Cinerama}

Life As We Know It

Imaginary Amie — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 16:46:16 +0000

Yet another effort to turn out a money-making romantic comedy (psst – hey guys? There will never be another When Harry Met Sally), Life As We Know It should be re-titled “Life As We Know It if Everyone Looked Perfect and Had Amazing Houses and Jobs”.

*ahem*

So get this, Katherine Heigl (as Holly) and Josh Duhamel (as Messer) play polar opposites who hate each other but get stuck raising their best friends’ baby together after a car accident and then GUESS WHAT HAPPENS. Actually, you don’t need to guess, as that part is all in the preview.

After brief deliberation, they determine that keeping little Sophie and raising her together is the best option, since all of the friends’ family members are completely incompetent (guy w/oxygen tank, couple with 9 kids, a touring stripper!). And then, my friends, hilarity ensues –but you’ve also seen all of that in the preview.

Months of montages go by while they find their balance, creating an awkward family dynamic that eventually ends up with discovered “feelings”, but it all comes off as completely unbelievable. I know the Director and Writers were probably going for realism, but you can’t have the two main characters complain about money problems off-handedly and then make a major plot point around Messer loaning Holly money to expand her bakery.

Wait. What? Weren’t they both just sitting around saying how broke they BOTH are? Messer didn’t have money to help with the house, but now that it’s for YOU, cool. Have it. Never mind the fact that “saving money” goes completely against everything else we know about Messer, just throw it in there. It HAS to work!

But the problem here isn’t really the inconsistencies or that I didn’t buy all of the neighbors being total stereotypes (big, sassy lady who LOVES food and bosses her husband around, hilarious gay couple, nerdy babysitter)—or even that Messer is supposedly so hot every single person who sees him wants to have sex with him ASAP.

The problem is that I knew from the start exactly what would happen with Holly and Messer, and exactly how the movie would end, despite the writers’ best efforts to distract me with a “twist”, Josh Lucas, and adorable baby antics.

Sometimes that works out just fine, but in this case, the characters were so benign I didn’t care about either of them. I’m a big crier at movies, and the only thing that elicited any emotion from me was the baby, because the one thing they did right was to pick triplets that will melt you heart with a smile.

Still, I’m betting I’ll forget I saw this movie entirely by next summer. Harsh, I know. But true.

{Life As We Know It opened in Seattle Friday, 10/8 and is playing at The Metro, Thornton Place and AMC Pacific Place}

Yet another effort to turn out a money-making romantic comedy (psst – hey guys? There will never be another When Harry Met Sally), Life As We Know It should be re-titled “Life As We Know It if Everyone Looked Perfect and Had Amazing Houses and Jobs”.

*ahem*

So get this, Katherine Heigl (as Holly) and Josh Duhamel (as Messer) play polar opposites who hate each other but get stuck raising their best friends’ baby together after a car accident and then GUESS WHAT HAPPENS. Actually, you don’t need to guess, as that part is all in the preview.

After brief deliberation, they determine that keeping little Sophie and raising her together is the best option, since all of the friends’ family members are completely incompetent (guy w/oxygen tank, couple with 9 kids, a touring stripper!). And then, my friends, hilarity ensues –but you’ve also seen all of that in the preview.

Going the Distance

Imaginary Amie — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 15:52:11 +0000

{Going the Distance opened Friday, September 3 in Seattle and is playing at The Metro, Thornton Place and AMC Pacific Place cinemas}

Nanette Bernstein’s (American Teen & The Kid Stays in the Picture) first non-documentary feature, Going the Distance, could have easily been a disaster (as most romantic comedies are), but there’s something about the realness of the two main characters that makes it all work.

Would-be journalist Erin (Drew Barrymore) and hip record label employee Garrett (Justin Long) meet at a bar in New York, and agree after a fun night together that they’ll continue to date, despite Erin’s caveat that she’s leaving in six weeks to finish school back in San Francisco, and Garret’s “just-got-out-of-a-relationship-last-night” jitters.

Of course, those six weeks are ultimately fabulous and they fall in love (DUH), deciding to embark on a long-distance relationship to see what happens. The question is, will the miles between them make them grow apart? Or closer together?

Pretty standard stuff – but this movie makes some surprisingly real choices, instead of going for an easy over-the-top resolution. The script actually tries to examine how HARD it is to be that far apart, and how even if you're incredibly in love with someone, in the end it just may not be enough. And shocker: it does a pretty amazing job of doing that, even amidst a lot rated R raunchiness and a plethora of F words.

Strengthening the story are a cast of great supporting characters including the always lovely Christina Applegate as Erin’s embittered sister, and my favorite: Charlie Day as Garret’s hilarious roommate, Dan. Also awesome: a cameo by Ron Livingston as Garret’s boss, which would have caused me to blow soda out my nose if I’d been drinking one (“Jesus Jones? HOW OLD ARE YOU?”).

Throw in some sweet 80s references, like Erin’s obsession with playing Centipede and Garret’s Top Gun poster (“The greatest movie of all time!”) – and some even sweeter romantic gestures, and you’ve won a little bit of my swayed-by-teen-nostalgia heart.

Sure, some of the jokes made me twitch just a little bit, both because of their repetitiveness, and because they just weren’t all that funny- but overall, this is a solidly decent watch. And let’s be honest: any flaws the film has are over shadowed by the sheer adorableness of the two leads. I mean, seriously, who can resist a pairing of the sweetheart from E.T. and the Mac guy?

I know I can’t…which is why you’ll probably see the DVD in my movie collection after it’s released, right alongside Fever Pitch.

{Going the Distance opened Friday, September 3 in Seattle and is playing at The Metro, Thornton Place and AMC Pacific Place cinemas}

Inception

Imaginary Amie — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 16:21:01 +0000

{Inception opened in Seattle Friday, July 16 and is playing at the Metro, The Neptune, The Majestic Bay, The Big Picture (Seattle) and Thornton Place IMAX®}

I was a little nervous going in to this; mostly because Director Christopher Nolan’s lockdown on any and all information left us with a vague teaser trailer that made me think of the “tuning” in Dark City – but I needn’t have worried: Inception is mind-blowingly AWESOME.

The breakdown: Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) are “extractors”, hired to thieve secrets from people’s dreams, and are contracted by one of their former victims to try something new: inception, AKA planting an idea instead of stealing one.

Getting inside someone’s dreams is a complicated process involving sleep machines, architects, and constantly defending oneself from that person’s subconscious defenses in the form of projections (the most beautiful one being Marion Cotillard as Mal, Cobb’s tragic wife).

So, to plant an idea in Cillian Murphy’s head, the team hires wide-eyed Ellen Page to architect dream mazes, a smarmy con man with great impersonation skills, and a pharmacist who can mix up the necessary potion to keep them all asleep for 10+ hours without waking up.

They only run into a few hundred problems, including specific rules they have to adhere to, a strict schedule to follow, murderous projections—and oh yeah, the fact that Cobb’s got a boatload of ISSUES that keep cropping up at the most inopportune times.

Without giving anything away; imagine watching a bank heist in someone’s brain, with layers upon layers upon layers (repeat) of deep meaning, suspense, action, mystery and ohmyfuckinggod-what-the-HELL-is-happening moments, and you can imagine what it’s like to watch Inception.

I know I definitely need to watch it at least ten more times so I can catch everything I might have missed—but I also know it’s more fantastic than I could have ever hoped.

Go see it, like NOW.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Imaginary Amie — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 16:24:33 +0000

{The Sorcerer's Apprentice opened in Seattle on Wednesday, July 14 and is playing at The Metro and The Meridian}

I banned Nicolas Cage movies since he ruined The Wicker Man in 2006, yet for some reason I was curious about this because I love Jay Baruchel (Led! Zepplin! Signed my shirt!”), even though I was sure Cage would brand it with his trademark over-the-top ridiculousness.

I also went into this knowing that because The Sorcerer's Apprentice was based on a segment from 1940’s animated Fantasia—with the Mouse himself, even—and directed by the man responsible for the National Treasure series, it was probably going to be some of the worst stuff I’ve ever seen on film, but I have to tell you even I wasn’t prepared for the awfulness that ensued.

Cage plays Balthazar, the aforementioned Sorcerer, a good “Merlinian” who’s been trapping evil “Morganians” for centuries (terms, by the way, that reminded me that I’m still pissed off at George Lucas for the whole midi-chlorians thing).

Dark magic Queen Morgana slaughters Merlin, so super-hot Veronica (HELLO Monica Belucci) joins bodies with her and they both get sealed up in a magic “nesting doll”. Yes, I actually just said that—and then Balthazar traps the other evil Morganian in the doll too: Horvath, played by Alfred Molina: AKA the only thing I even remotely liked about this film.

With his dying words, Merlin gives Balthazar a special dragon ring and tells him to search for the “one true Merlinian” because that kid will be the only one strong enough to defeat Morgana for good. Cut to a musical montage of Cage wearing a jaunty leather sorcerer’s hat and hitting up angelic-faced kids in hopes that they’re the one, but not finding the right kid until nerdy Dave stumbles into his antiques shop by accident and the lo! The ring fits!

Unfortunately, Dave also “accidentally” releases Hovarth from the nesting doll, then has a nervous breakdown and runs away—forcing Balthazar to trap himself and Hovarth in another magical vessel for approximately 10 years so the audience can have a plausible (???) explanation for Jay Baruchel. Once Balthazar finds Dave again, he convinces him that he’s “the one” and that they must initiate training to prepare him for the day Morgana returns to slaughter everyone on earth.

Jay Baruchel plays his usual, loveable, nerdy self in the form of a college grad student who has created his own Tesla coil. Because, you know, that’s what college students do. They hole themselves up in a giant abandoned warehouse and build actual Tesla coils. Three of them. Then they make the Tesla coils play Stevie Wonder’s "Superstition" while their hot would-be girlfriend that they’ve been lusting after since 5th grade tries not to get electrocuted. Right?

But I digress: Baruchel’s role is raise one eyebrow and drop witty one-liners like “But those are old man shoes!” and argue with Balthazar about his sorcery training while Cage fires off shout-y commands that are, I guess, also supposed to be funny.

All of the training (which conveniently has to do with electricity) apparently messes up the warehouse so badly that there are piles of dishes, pizza boxes, and soda cans all over the place. Eventually Dave only has 10 minutes to clean up before his hot date arrives. What will he do? WHAT WILL HE DO?

Well, obviously he’ll use magic to command some mops and brooms to clean up the place while he takes a shower. And they’ll get out of control. And pour water all over the place—all while the original score from Fantasia plays. It’s hilarious, you guys.

The only thing that might top that is the most obvious Star Wars reference ever by Hovarth, followed up by an explanation of the most obvious Star Wars reference ever (by Dave’s Morganian counterpart, a slimy Vegas magician named Drake Stone), just in case someone out there doesn’t get it. *le sigh*

Add in the see-it-coming-from-a-mile-away-totally-uninspired climax, and it all comes across as Disney trying to capitalize on the Harry Potter trend, poorly. Very, very poorly. But I’ll go ahead and admit that it’s possible kids may love the crap out of this thing. In fact, most of the adult audience I saw this with was laughing, cheering, and clapping.

Weird, since the entire film is a formulaic, coincidental, not-at-all-hilarious schlock-fest that can’t even be saved by some obviously spendy special effects. I’d say skip this one, unless you’re curious about whether or not Cage’s incredible hair weave will win some kind of award.

{The Sorcerer's Apprentice opened in Seattle on Wednesday, July 14 and is playing at The Metro and The Meridian}