Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to celebrate this thing called…football? Like something culled straight from of the “Say Whaaaaaaa?” files, the proprietor of Paisley Park has again pulled a one-two punch on his fan base and set his sights on a new horizon of sorts. Perhaps the heady combination of the gridiron, a big win by the Vikings (34-3) over the Cowboys, and food off a stick inspired in him something that young, nubile, lingeree-clad ingenues could not. Did he find poetry in motion in the flick of Brett Farve’s supple wrist? Was it too many flat MGDs? In his classically cryptic fashion, he simply stated “I saw the future,” when interviewed by Minneapolis-St. Paul’s FOX 9’s Robyne Robinson.

Despite being a Prince devotee from my earliest memories, I must say his efforts here are…lackluster. His passion for his subjects is equalled only by his talent as a musician. Purple and Gold displays neither. I would rather have my eyes pecked out by crying doves than say a word sideways against the Purple One, but “Purple and Gold” sounds less like something that would pump up a crowd and a team and more like required reading from a 6th grade literature book.

Dig if you will the lyrics (Please forgive the grammar, it’s like reading a rebus puzzle- almost headache inducing, really):

Purple and Gold Lyrics

the veil of the sky draws open
the roar of the chariots touch down
we r the ones who have now come again
and walk upon water like solid ground
as we approach the throne we won’t bow down
this time we won’t b denied

raise every voice and let it b known
in the name of the purple and gold

we come in the name of the purple and gold
all of the odds r in r favor
no prediction 2 bold
we r the truth if the truth can b told
long reign the purple and gold

the eyes say ready 4 battle
no need 4 sword in hand
we r all amped up like a rock n roll band
ready 2 celebrate every score
ready 2 fight the elegant war
ready 2 hear the crowd roar

that’s what we came 4
and so much more
in the name of the purple and gold

r spirits may b tired
r bodies may b worn
but since this day is r destiny
r history – that’s y we must b
4ever strong as the wind that blows the Vikings’ horn
in the name of the purple and gold

“Elegant war?” Really?

Musically, “Purple and Gold” is even more disappointing. Understandably, this is not a pop track, and is not necessarily intended for his regular fan consumption, and a degree of concession needs to be made with that regard. It does, however, feel antithetical to his statement about seeing “the future.” The tune is as dusty and stodgy as something an Ivy League school has used since their inception, and despite the attempt at a more R&B feel, the combintation of out of place music, terrible auto tuning (to the point you can barely tell it’s Prince), a mismatch of music and lyrics, and the tin can quality of the recording make for a very disappointing listening experience.

Though it is usually fun and exciting to see a beloved artist try something new, I wish he would have tried a little harder, even if it was just for kicks. He has a well-established history of perfectionism. It’s too bad it can’t be seen here. It could just be me. Maybe I’m just 2 demanding…

What think you, my Darling Nikkis?