"Don't blame us. We didn't write 'em." 8.30.03, Chop Suey

Some lovely buttrock haikus, as submitted by audience members who attended our first-ever buttrock karaoke contest! {note: we were extremely permissive in our definitions of "haiku" so be gentle!}.

Fuck Diamond Dave by J. Lawless
David Lee Roth
Makes me want to Puke and Crap
Disgrace to Metal.

{untitled} by Matt N.
Kar-oke is three
syllables not four so please
get it right, people.

Kleenex by Ayesha and Party Volcano
My nose is sweating!
Says my nose to my left let.
Use a Kleenex, Nose.

Chicken Soup by IndraJit Ayesha and Party Volcano
Yummy chicken soup
Sticky feathers in my teeth
Why, oh mother, why?

Buttplug by Ayesha and Party Volcano
Buttplug. As I'm drow-
ning in the pool.
I am thinking of you.

{untitled} by M. Bracy
Karaoke night.
Buttrock, and Liz wore a prom dress.
Imaginary!

Sweat all night by Jeremy Lawless
Oh yeah girl come on
We're gonna rock you all night.
Let's get sweaty now!

Hairy Chest and Purple Blush by Eric DJ Muttron Cameron
Toughness with a sass
Microphone sweat scream Max Factor!
Lighters eager for my ballad.

{untitled} by Jon
Big hair out to there
Aquanet by the dozen.
Stiff to perfection.

Ode to Maiden by J. Lawless
Galloping horses
I think of Iron Maiden
and all is well now.

Ode to Manowar by J. Lawless
Heroes born of steel
We'll fight for the Metalway
with broadswords in hand.

Tonight we must Rock by Jeremy Lawless
Tonight we must Rock
We must rock to save the land
Death to false metal.

{untitled} by J. Lawless
going out to rock
girls with teased hair and tight skirts
red lips and high heels

{untitled} by Jon
Guitar rules the day
Power chords are plentiful
No one loves the bass.

{untitled} by Leanne
if you know the words
you are old just admit it
join the buttrock love club!

Drugs by Addict Kari
I love drugs so much
They don't love me so much yet
I will quit them soon.

Lipstick by Kari Lipstick
Lipstick shit close knit
I shot my eye in the kick
It sucks cause I'm sick.

{untitled} by ??
tight-ass Jordache jeans
aquanet bikini dreams
lip glass, black liner

Product Blues by "Nikki" Antos
Aquanet is gone
White Rain will not make it big
LA Looks will do.

Pony by Scott
Here comes the Pony!
carrots make a tasty treat
Buttrock Pony Rules!

Shit Happens by Joey
Shit happens Shit Shit
Shit happens Shitt happens Shit
Shit happens Shit Shit.

{untitled} by ??
I tried to write a
haiku for buttrock but the
beer got in the way.

T Tops by Molly, Josh, Jeremy, and Kari
Plates Read SIXX 66
Deadly Camaro, Beware
Ozzy rules the air.