{Let Rachel Flotard of Visqueen take the sting out of your heart. Send your love advice questions her way at loveishard@threeimaginarygirls.com.}
Dear Rachel,
This may make me sound like I'm 14, but I'm actually upset by this. I made a mix CD for this girl I'm friends with. We used to be good friends, but lately she's been very distant towards me. I can't think of ANYTHING I could have possibly done, but then another friend suggested that the mix cd might have made her think that I was interested in her. It's not like it was all "I love you" songs although I know I did put "These Arms of Mine" by Otis Redding — but only because i think that's a great song.
For the record, I'm not interested in her, but I would also like to avoid having to say 'I'm not interested in you.' And, I don't really want to ask her 'what's wrong' because if nothing is wrong, I'll look pretty stupid. Please help.
Best,
Missing my friend
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Dear MMF:
Oh man. I feel for you. Mixes are so personal and even when recorded properly can spook the hell out of anybody. Just act normal. This will totally blow over. She may be freaking out now (smooth move, Otis) but by carrying on business as usual, she’ll get past the fact you sat there and recorded each and every song thinking about the curve of her face or the nape of her neck. 90 minutes (or however many fit on a CD these days) of French Napping (best new masturbation term) to what you think she’ll feel when she hears it. Guaranteed to have your girl-that’s-a-friend in a lead suit by track two.
Bottom line, ladies are insane — but your heart is in the BEST of all places. You are a killer sweet guy for being so thoughtful. Sex up some cheerleaders in front of her; she’ll get the 411 and snap back from bizzaro world.
PS. She may hate this, but she wants to bang you.
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{When she's not providing solace for the lovelorn, Rachel can be seen and heard playing for her band, Visqueen. But don't let that intimidate you! Send your love woes her way!}