{Let Rachel Flotard of Visqueen take the sting out of your heart. Send your love advice questions her way at loveishard@threeimaginarygirls.com.}

 

Hey Rachel,

This one comes to you from the guy's side of things. I've been with the same girl for 14 months now, had things going beautifully, picturing honeymoon, runtlings. The whole bit. Of late, though, things have been slowly going down hill. Issues with family, communication and a general lack of our usual passion have really let the air out of our fun. As well, I was losing sight of who I was. So, we're apart for the summer now, and I asked for a "break" (ever-dreaded) to figure myself out, with the option of dating other people; she played it off pretty well, set ground rules, and we hope it makes us stronger in the end.

I love the girl to death, but the issues have been killing us and I need to get some air. Am I doing the levelheaded "right" thing here, or am I as sad as that "donkey" of yours mutilating kittens for his girl's enjoyment.

Sincerely,
Tired and Confused

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Dear T&C:

You: "This break was divine."
Her: "Indeed! I've found another suitor."
You: "Me, too. Congratulations. Chums?"
Her: "Chums."

This happening is about as likely as The Shirt Tales coming to life off your Trapper Keeper and shitting seeds.

T&C, my good man, these issues deflating your love tire are like sunburned old crossing guards. Even smelling like weird milk, they hoist those poly-blends and green lenses out of a bent lawn chair just to keep you safe. Problems are nature's way of saying, "Hey, get the fuck away from me." Sadly for most, slowing things down once they've reached picking-out-tiny-people-pants is pretty much always curtains. Last time I knew a dude getting some air, he breathed into a bag. And that bag's name was Shirley.

It's been forever since I belted the advice koolats and hiked through donkey forest; but skirt OR short, taking spirited charge of one's mental health vs. grinding the last tooth to fuck dust is good living. Save a whale this summer, and find yourself in a rainbow. Grow tall and wise, little sapling, for like the mighty oak, the "-up" in "break" is silent.

xo
Rach

 

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{When she's not providing solace for the lovelorn, Rachel can be seen and heard playing for her band, Visqueen. But don't let that intimidate you! Send your love woes her way!}