{Let Rachel Flotard of Visqueen take the sting out of your heart. Send your love advice questions her way at loveishard@threeimaginarygirls.com.}

 

Dear Rachel –

I just started dating a cute indie-rock guy a few weeks ago, and we've been having lots of fun together… really interesting conversations, great sex, and he plays me guitar and sings to me (*sigh*). He just spent the night over here for the second time. It was lovely — but when he was getting ready to leave the next morning, he asked me (still lying in my bed, half-asleep) if he could borrow a roll of TP from my house because, "he was out and wouldn't have time to buy any that day."

I blearily said yes, and a few minutes later he left with said roll.

Is this a deal-breaker? Is he showing utter disrespect for me (not to mention himself) by asking so personal and degrading a favor to someone he hardly knows and should be trying to impress…? Or should I dismiss this as a charmingly quirky incident and let it go? And does the fact that I still find him sexy despite this mean *I* have issues?

Respectfully yours,
befuddled tp supplier

 

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Dear BTPS,

Well, I don't know if the TP is a deal breaker, but the serenading might be. Sounds like you might need the Value-Pak, sister. Last thing you want as a rocksteady and obviously instinctual lovely lady is a toiletry freeloader. If this progresses, quirk will start to look like Jerk… faster than you can flush a baby alligator.

I say trust your gut, not your butt. If you're ok with a little bodily honesty and earthiness up front, give him a break, we're all human (plus you've already shagged twice, c'mon). If this is just a gross raindrop in the storm YOU ALREADY know is coming, slow down the sleep-overs and buy a bidet. No toilet paper may be a sign of no clue.

HOWEVER. I do have to hand it to him for asking first. Respect was shown. I probably would've just stolen it, too embarrassed to admit that I poo. It's the openness that actually bothers me. Sexy, sure. Lovely, yes. Funky? NO. Not quite yet. This is your second night together and he can just go to McDonalds and grab some napkins rather than paint you a visual so early on in your romance. Queue the intrigue, please?

Remember, just because he's indie-rock doesn't make him sensitive. That and there's a thousand things to wipe with. Dump him.

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{When she's not providing solace for the lovelorn, Rachel can be seen and heard playing in her band, Visqueen. But don't let that intimidate you! Send your love woes her way!}