{imaginary girl dana plays diane sawyer with imaginary boy zephyr to get the skinny on pearl jam's thur.12.05 gig at the showbox.}

so, pearl jam. at the "secret" showbox show. i'm sure everyone wants to know…where did you get the tickets?!?

actually, the scenario was pretty unglam. your average five or ten minutes of redial action on your average phone…

and how was neo as the opening band?

the opening band. hmm…tight, but exceedingly uninspired. very disappointing, especially since i hear they were hand-picked by stone gossard…

ahh, too bad. i have heard good things about their live show.

yah well….

but i thought you said the bassist rocked…

oh ya! totally uninspired *except* for the bassist. that dude really digs his bass. the other dudes are in it for the girls. he's in it for his bass.

…and the girls.

i'm sure he doesn't mind the girls, but make no mistake — that man loves his bass.

and how about pearl jam….and how about *eddie*?

ummm…i dunno quite how to put this but…

oh no! is he in it for the girls?

umm…not from what i understand {grin} but i'm sure he doesn't mind that aspect either…

did they suck?

no…no…well…actually, in a manner of speaking, i guess they did suck. pretty bad.

sucky.

ya. i mean, they were tight…and loud…but…

they sucked.

ya. they did suck. {shakes head} it was really too bad.

so…*why* did they suck?

bottom line? i think maybe their hair's too short now. the showcase keyboardist they had on board had long hair and he was the only one on stage who was not sucking…

hmm. interesting theory.

…and backed up by antiquity. remember samson and delilah? the hair thing is a power thing, really. but then, it seems like they've always been afraid of their own power…especially eddie. it's too bad since he's one of the only people around who's evolved enough to wield his power in a constructive manner…maybe if he smiled more…

he didn't smile?

he was pretty much deathly serious the entire show. maybe it's the current political situation. maybe that night was just a warm up for friday night. i dunno. either way he only smiled like, once…but hey, *wow* was that smile ever amazing! that dude has an *amazing* smile! talk about power…

any chance you have some specific thoughts about the actual music?

umm…well…okay, here's the nutshell…pearl jam obviously knows how to make some noise. my take is *great noise*, but no *heart*. despite the screaming, i got no vibe from them. nada. no *show* at the showbox that night, if you will.

bummer!

ya. of course, who could blame them for not wanting to put one on that night…over half the crowd looked like they were from bellevue…all these sorority looking females were *singing along* to every song. puke!

wow. you're a tough critic today.

you're right. okay. accentuate the positive. hmmm…a few notes: in conjunction with the showbox, they did treat their fans with a lot of respect. girl friskers for the girls, no moshing, and saviors at the front wall. pretty cool stuff. all ages, too, which is kind of a pain in the a** for us older folk, but cool nonetheless. and…oh ya…the show was a benefit for some hand-picked causes.

cool.

ya. at least my money didn't *totally* go to waste…