OH. MY. GOD.

As if anyone needs a reason to be in Paris in the spring time, I have another tall, angular, awe-inspiring one (hint: NOT the Eiffel Tower). Jarvis Cocker, he of Pulp, Relaxed Muscle and solo glory will be rehearsing in an art gallery in Paris May 5-May 10 for several upcoming performances. Fans will be given the unparalleled opportunity to view rehearsals, jam with the band (!!!), do yoga and pilates, and even bring their children to do musically-themed activities with them. I would STEAL a child to do that! Children of France, you have been warned.

Alas, reality, being the ugly beast that it is and my pocketbook being woefully bereft of cash as it is, I am relegated to watching it all here. C'est la vie, non?

Check out this mother expletivin' schedule (pronounced schezule)

TUESDAY 5th MAY
12 – 2pm – BAND REHEARSAL
2 -3pm – BRING AN INSTRUMENT (members of the public are invited to bring an instrument with them & play along with the band. Amplification will be available for electric instruments).
3 – 4pm – YOGA CLASS (with a qualified instructor. The band will provide suitable live accompaniment. Participants must provide their own yoga-mat.).
4 – 5pm – IMPROVISATIONS ON A THEME (throughout the course of the exhibition a box will be available in the gallery into which members of the public can post titles, phrases, suggestions, lyrics or anything else that the band can then base improvisations around. During this hour the band will create a number of pieces based on selections of this material).
5 – 6pm – GUEST PERFORMANCE ( an invited guest will play with the band)

WEDNESDAY 6th MAY
12 -2pm – BAND REHEARSAL
2 – 4pm – CHILDREN’S DAY ( French children traditionally have Wednesday off school. The band will supervise a number of music-based children’s activities over the course of these 2 hours. Parental supervision is required for children under 11).
4 – 5pm – RELAXATION ( the band will provide musical accompaniment to a relaxation class. Participants should provide their own exercise mat).
5 – 6pm GUEST PERFORMANCE ( see Tuesday 5th May)

THURSDAY 7th MAY
12 – 2pm – BAND REHEARSAL
2 – 3pm – IMPROVISATIONS ON A THEME ( see Tuesday 5th May)
3 – 4pm – PILATES CLASS (with a qualified instructor. The band will provide suitable live accompaniment. Participants must provide their own exercise mat)
4 – 5pm – BRING AN INSTRUMENT (see Tuesday 5th May)
5 – 6pm – GUEST PERFORMANCE

FRIDAY 8th MAY
12 – 2pm – BAND REHEARSAL
2 – 3pm – IMPROVISATIONS ON A THEME
3 – 4pm – AEROBICS CLASS
4 – 5pm – BRING AN INSTRUMENT
5 – 6pm – GUEST PERFORMANCE

SATURDAY 9th MAY
12 – 2pm – BAND REHEARSAL
2- 3pm – BRING AN INSTRUMENT
3 – 4pm – DANCING ( the band will play an hour of music designed to encourage people to dance. Dress appropriately)
4 – 6pm – SET-UP FOR OUTDOOR PERFORMANCE (weather permitting)
6 – 7pm – OUTDOOR PERFORMANCE ( the band will play a short open-air concert just outside the gallery)

SUNDAY 10th MAY
12 – 2pm – BAND REHEARSAL
2 – 3pm – QUIET HOUR ( an hour of the softest music the band can play)
3 – 4pm – GUEST PERFORMANCE
4 – 6pm – REVIEW OF THE WEEK ( the band will play music written over the course of the past 6 days)