{Let Rachel Flotard of Visqueen take the sting out of your heart. Send your love advice questions her way at loveishard@threeimaginarygirls.com.}

Dear Rachel,

My boyfriend is fashion-challenged. He insists on wearing jeans with holes in them and flannel shirts as if he were still 1991. Not only that, but of his two pairs of pants he owns, neither pair fastens properly. One pair has no button, the other has a fly that constantly unzips on its own – usually when he's onstage! (luckily he plays guitar, so you can't tell, but still!).

I don't need for him to be a fashion-plate, but how can I let him know it's 2003, and grunge is long-gone?

Thanks, Grunge-Guy's Girlfriend

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Dear GGG,

If he’s gone to the place where open fly’s don’t mean dick on stage, he’s beyond giving a shit. And good for him. He’s obviously an independent musical mastermind and has a license to sell hot dogs.

I fear you may never be happy with Alice In Pains if you think he's a pig pen. Assuming the chap was old enough to spend his twenties in the early 90’s but hasn’t grown and sewn, scram. If not, you could pick up sexier denim as a gift or tenderly prod him, "Hey asshole…XYZ, everybody hates you." All should patch up but know this: By heightening throwback’s fashion awareness, you awaken risks of an overcompensating Shiny Shirt purchase. Consider yourself superfucked.

Or turn the lights out. It’s less dangerous.

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{When she's not providing solace for the lovelorn, Rachel can be seen and heard playing for her band, Visqueen. But don't let that intimidate you! Send your love woes her way!}