{Let Rachel Flotard of Visqueen take the sting out of your heart. Send your love advice questions her way at loveishard@threeimaginarygirls.com.}

 

Dear Rachel,

I started dating this guy in a band, and we've been having a great time together! But I just got "the talk" — the whole "I'm not ready for a relationship" speech. He says he really likes me, and one day might want a relationship with me, but that right now he's just not ready to think like that now.

The funny thing is, we've only been dating for a couple weeks, and I wasn't even sure if I wanted him to become my boyfriend! But now that things have gotten more serious, it's hard to just keep on having fun with him… so I come to you for advice. Can "I'm not ready" ever be said without the implied "with you" tagged on the end of it? Should I keep having fun and just see what happens…? Or do I respect my flight or fight instinct and RUN AWAY!!!?!?

many thanks from,
who said I was ready anyways?

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My dear WSIWRA,

Gurl, I'm holding you close to padded bosom (big thanks to my friend Tami who hugged me the other night and said, "Jesus your boobs are like rocks." Screw you, Tami). Thus bringing me to my point. Do you want the Hard Answer or the Harder Answer?

Ok, first the Hard One:

Take what he said as a cue. Curtain's going down on the boyfriend show, get out of the theatre. If he's throwing this out at you and you're just being yourself, let him go; he's got issues he's not sharing. He'll under-extend in this romance, you'll over-extend — hence, no balance. It will bomb. Deep down I think you'd like more than casual, which you should because you're foxy and killer. Hold out for what you want and let him ride. Your power will be a turn on to a better dude, forcing Issue Dude to flush his head in a commode (Ultimately saving him. Good job!).

Ok, so the Harder One:

Don't listen to him. Go along like Ms. Casual-I-Could-Care-Less-If-He-Calls-Or-Shows-Up-With-That-Prostitute or WORSE. Because Miss Cas' is cool. She doesn't want to make any waves, man, she can have fun, she's light hearted, and she's on her way to getting WELCOME tattooed on her ass.

Sister, you'll be eating pirates booty and watching Eight Is Enough every Saturday night being Ms. Casual. It's 2003. Slap on your hottest jeans, put your foot down and MOVE IT!!!!!

PS. Cupcakes save lives.

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{When she's not providing solace for the lovelorn, Rachel can be seen and heard playing for her band, Visqueen. But don't let that intimidate you! Send your love woes her way!}