The brilliant and beautiful Rachel Flotard writes a love advice column for Three Imaginary Girls called Love is Hard with Rachel Flotard, where she offers heart-warming yet hysterical advice for the lovelorn. Some sample gem quotes from over the years:
"Just the idea that she is going to have to hear that her vag is rotting from someone who uses "bumpin uglies" in a sentence is just a deafening air horn of white terror."
"I think you should brain him with an iron, then throw fire ants in his face. Do you want to watch a PORNO that I made with my ex? What a JACKASS."
"Break-ups are like taking bowling shoes back to the counter. Some winner sprays them off as another foot boards its nerd-bound train to land a fuckin’ turkey."
"Remind him who did the Superbowl Shuffle across I-90 to hibernate in whose butt, and stand your ground."
"I know when I say I'm hanging out with my bandmates, it really means I'm gangbanging 25 french ho's. True."
Here's the thing, tho: we are out of Love is Hard questions. We're counting on you, dear readers, to spill your heart and guts out, and potentially be rewarded with love advice from a rock goddess like Rach.
You want know you want it. Email email@example.com and let Rachel take the sting out of your heart!